I love black thongs
this beer tastes like vomit already
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
