Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
