dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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