i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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