just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
