fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
