Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize