someone get that fucking seahorse.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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