Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
