people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
