Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
