Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
