Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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