someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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