Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
