When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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