What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
