She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
