All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
