I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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