She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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