I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
