He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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