I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
