Can i not drive my cunt home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
