I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
