her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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