I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
