his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
