We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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