I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
