just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
