can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
