I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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