If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize