I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
