Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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