i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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