Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
