Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
