it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
