something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
