So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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