Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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