just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
