WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
