I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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