"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My friends, they love my intelligence
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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