we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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