I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
