This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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