Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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