This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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