Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just cropdusted the office
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
