Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
