I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i came on her dog
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
