Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
