it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
