ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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