guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
