do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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