I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
